im gay
i know
yea but for you.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
no you cant smoke seaweed
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I stole a fireplace last night.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
