Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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