wanna go halves on a baby?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
