I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
