I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
