It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
