new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
