Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
