Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
