Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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