Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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