Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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