i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
