i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
