Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
