tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
