Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
