i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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