i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
