plz talk dirty to me
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Four minutes until I can fart!
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
