He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
