what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
