tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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