Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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