I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
