So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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