my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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