I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
