let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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