glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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