There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
