I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
