I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
