I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
