I think my fart just growled at me.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
