SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The best revenge is premature balding
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
