fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
