You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
