Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
