you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
my poor anus
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
