So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
