two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It's never too late to be topless.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
