Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
