I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
