used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
