Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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