turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
