I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
