Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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