Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
