God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
